“Bread crumbs”(perhaps how you got here)

Important Laws

Durham's Law of Organizations

Those most affected will be the last to know.

• If you're about to be fired, you'll be the last person to find out about it. Same goes if you're about to be promoted.
• In project work, if you're designing a software system, the client will change requirements on you, and you'll be told only after you've done all the hard design work.

Durham's Law of Sleeping

If you know who's sleeping with who, it's probably because you're already in bed with them. It's also possible you are asleep and dreaming.

Corollary to Durham's Laws of Sleeping and Organizations

You'll probably be the last one to realize who you're really sleeping with.

2nd Corollary to Durham's Laws of Sleeping and Organization

87% of all people who think they're in bed with someone are actually only dreaming about it.

Durham's Law of Pets and Children

Never argue with a pet or child. They have nothing to do but carry on the argument, so you'll lose every time.

Consequence of Durham's Law of Pets and Children

Just give up and accept what pets and children tell you. They know more than you do, anyhow, and they're more honest. Your dog or cat also has more interesting and useful information than any politician. Your children have more interesting and useful information than anyone else.

Corollary to Durham's Law of Pets and Children: Politicians, pets, children and sleeping

Politicians are a much lower life form than pets and children. They invent lies about who's sleeping with whom, which constitute the sole content of all political activity. They believe their own lies. You can't argue with someone who believes his or her own lies.

Durham's Version of the Cretan Paradox

All laws are false. (This is related to Durham's Law of Quality Control.)

Fuzzy Logic Version of Durham's Version of the Cretan Paradox

Just about all things that are kind of like laws are more or less false.

The Lawyer's Version of Durham's Version of the Cretan Paradox

The duty of the attorney is to employ lies to convert crimes into justice.

The American press's version of the Cretan Paradox

All sufficiently sensational statements are true for a period long enough to sell newspapers and TV ads.

Durham's Law of Quality Control

All processes have nonzero error rates. (This is, of course, not original with me, but the corollaries probably are.)

1st Lemma to the 1st Corollary to Durham's Law of Quality Control

Concepts are processes, not things.

• This is easily seen to be true, but it needs more detail. A concept is really the natural-language analog of a "class" in object-oriented work. For example, we have the concept of a table; when we recognize a particular table, we are instantiating that concept. The "lemma" is formulated as it is because it would sound odd to say "Concepts are classes, not objects". This last formulation is, however, a good one.

2nd Lemma to the 1st Corollary to Durham's Law of Quality Control

All concepts of error are erroneous to at least some nonzero extent.

1st Corollary to Durham's Law of Quality Control

If you think there are no errors in a project, your concept of error is wrong.

2nd Corollary to Durham's Law of Quality Control

Just because you mean to say "No" doesn't mean that's actually what you'll say.

3rd Corollary to Durham's Law of Quality Control

You'll never really be able to tell the difference between program bugs and program enhancements.

Durham's Law of Religion

There is no upper limit on the hypocrisy of organized religion.

The Purity Corollary

The more fervently a religion claims goodness and purity, the more completely it must lack those attributes.

Osama bin-Laden's Version of Durham's Law of Religion

No lie is too big to be wrapped in the garb of religion.

The Right Wing's Corollary to Durham's Law of Religion

Public professions of faith are the most politically attractive form of hypocrisy.

Subcorollary to the Right Wing's Corollary

State-mandated creeds or prayers in schools are the best way to teach hypocrisy.

1st General Corollary to the Law of Religion

The more a religion proselytizes, the less it must have to proselytize about.

2nd General Corollary to the Law of Religion

The more threatened a faith feels, the more sadistically it enforces acquiescence to lies.

3rd General Corollary to the Law of Religion

The less doubt the followers of an organized religion have, the less faith they have.

The Used Car Salesman's Corollary to the Law of Religion

When a used-car salesman tells you "I'd never take advantage of you; I'm a Christian" -- look out; you're about to be plundered, raped, and pillaged. (Substitute the religion of your choice.)

J. Wyatt Durham's Law of Religion

There is no church big enough to contain God. (J. Wyatt Durham was my father.)

Corollary to J. Wyatt Durham's Law of Religion

Organized religion is a cage to imprison God.

Durham's Law of Pornography and Vice

The guy who protests the most about the dangers of pornography is the one who is most likely to have a stash of filthy magazines under his bed. (This is obviously related to Durham's Law of Religion.)

Hardin's Law (slightly adapted)

You can never do just one thing. (Garrett Hardin was a well-known ecologist.)

Definitional Lemma to Durham's Corollary to Hardin's Law

A side-effect is a consequence of an action that has not yet entered the accounting system.

Durham's Corollary to Hardin's Law

The side effects of your acts are never negligible in the long run.
 

 All text on this page is the work of J W Durham and is licensed only under terms of the Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License. Other licensing terms may be available. E-mail me